So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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