Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
