i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
