I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
