Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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