Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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