I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
