you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
