HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
