I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
