I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
