right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
