Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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