What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
