I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
