oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
