I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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