you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my shit smells like andre
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
