Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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