before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
where are my eyebrows?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
