i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
