Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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