sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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