I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
