you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
