I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
