I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
