Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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