Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
