so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
