every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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