sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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