I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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