Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
