I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
