Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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