duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
