Can i not drive my cunt home
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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