Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
