can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
