she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
