You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
