Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize