so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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