Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drake has all the answers
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