This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
