She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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