the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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