I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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