Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
