You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
