ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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