I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
