before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
