Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
