oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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