U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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