I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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