So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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