We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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