I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
