Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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