I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
