Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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