pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
