I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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