she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
