He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
