If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
