his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
