You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
