Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your cock deserves a montage
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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