Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
