Do you still have your period?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's the barista slut.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
