Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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