she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
