They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
