god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
