new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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