so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
