Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
